I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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