this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
