Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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