I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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