i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
