Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
