I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
