Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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