I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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