If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
