Just fell off a train. Bad.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
