i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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