i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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