I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
