Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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