what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
