No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
