The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
