Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
