Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
