): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
