physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
