Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
