Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
