someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
