I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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