dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
