you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
