There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
