I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
