I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
