Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
