So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
