Too much gin, very little bucket
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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