Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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