So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
