Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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