Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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