I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Boobs are out for the taking
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize