I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
