I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
