What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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