My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
