im about as happy as oj after his trial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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