Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
