So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
