Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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