...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
