he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think my moral compass just broke
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
