If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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