I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
