So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
