She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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