Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
